OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Nicole vs. Life
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
