Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
