Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
