i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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