And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
