Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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