I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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