maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
