I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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