im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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