Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
