Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
These tits shall not be calmed
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
