You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
