I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
