I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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