I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
