I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
A bitchslap is in order.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
