I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
