Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
