Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
