Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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