Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
