you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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