My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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