I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
