My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
