i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
