apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize