After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
