how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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