Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm at about main and main street
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
