I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
