Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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