i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
