I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
