I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i love accidental penises.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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