be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
