goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
