sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Congratulations! We have a period
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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