arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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