so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
