Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
