Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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