Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
