i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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