Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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