we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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