Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
