the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Randomize
