Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
