OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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