Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
