She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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