He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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