I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize