so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
