I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
