I cockslap morals
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
