There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
