Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
