did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
