Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
