the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize