I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
