we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize