Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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