dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.