I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?