Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
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You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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