her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
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I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...