Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.