but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle