Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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