I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
