I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
