yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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